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Title: things not to think about
fandom: Ars Magica
square: wet/messy/dirty
word count: 710
summary: Nicolae tries not to watch Lycoris bathe, because it isn't his place. Nicolae has a lot to think about. That he doesn't want to.
content notes: characters are both adults, one (who is 22) has a 15-year old's body: mentions of implied non-consensual sex. (discussion of Greek gods and the undercurrent present in their mythology). No other standard notes apply.
Nicolae tries not to watch Lycoris bathe, because it isn't his place, and just stands watch, trying to keep alert for any trouble before it happened. The sounds of splashing are faint, which he both expects and is grateful for, because the last things he wants to do is be reminded of when he was younger and happy, tumbling in streams with Galin, laughing and their bodies twining together. And now he's far from home and those familiar places, his lover is three years dead and he'll never get what he lost back.
But for a moment, he can't help but look: the slender wizard is perched on the bank of the pool, one leg in the water and one leg drawn up, small foot resting on his knee. Part of Nicolae that he firmly tells to shut up, acknowledges that it's a really nice view, one he wouldn't get normally - and it is one that he shouldn't want, forcing himself to look away before Lycoris notices that he's staring, thinking of stories about the hunter that was torn apart by his own dogs for coming across the goddess Artemis bathing.
Only, in this case, it would be his own guilt that would tear him apart, Nicolae thinks sourly. Wanting what he shouldn't want, unable to stop himself despite his best efforts nor let go - nor how can he, when his lover is dead because of him - and everything ever. At this rate, even being torn apart by hounds seems mildly more appealing than having to deal with this constant state of longing and guilt.
For a moment, two moments, he could ignore what was going on behind him, but in the end, his curiosity wins out, and he glances back, intending to be quick and brief about it - and instead, even as he curses himself, he isn't. Nicolae watches as Lycoris slides gracefully into the water, being careful to stay in the shallower areas, and swallows as he watches the wizard move, almost-floating.
Drops of water glisten against slim, bare shoulders, the delicate lines of his back, and Lycoris's loose, long hair clings to his body, both hiding and revealing. This is the first time that he's seen Lycoris naked, without the draping layers of robes he usually wears, and Nicolae can't help but think he's seeing something unquestionably private, never meant for him, or anyone else, to see. Even Lycoris's hair is usually hidden, tied back practically, rather than falling loose and long enough for him to sit on.
He shouldn't be seeing this, he knows, more than thrice over, but he can't help but appreciate the sight, no matter how much he shouldn't. For a moment, Nicolae almost thinks of the old stories, of the nymphs that tempted both men and gods alike - fitting, almost, for a slim youth fair as a flower, no matter that Lycoris's actual age is older than his body will ever present and he still doesn't know the story behind that.
No, Nicolae thinks better of it, Lycoris is no nymph, no matter how lovely and tempting he is, no matter that how long he lives he'll be a youth until the day he dies. He has power and is aware of how to use it, how to fight, to not be passive, would refuse to allow himself to be made a plaything, of either god or man, as long as he has strength to fight it: and that, more than anything, if Nicolae absolutely must be honest with himself, is what makes him want the Tremere, who is otherwise so different from laughing Galin, Galin who was tall, handsome, dark and strong, a man grown and not some frail lily-youth.
He forces himself to not think along that path comparing the two of them more, nor of the fates of those desired by the gods, looks away again before looking back: he'd prefer to consider his own desire, however unhappy and unwelcoming of it he is, rather than those alternate paths. Nicolae watches Lycoris float across the forest pool, hair spread out around him, and tries not to think of the sleeping gods of Greece too loudly.
fandom: Ars Magica
square: wet/messy/dirty
word count: 710
summary: Nicolae tries not to watch Lycoris bathe, because it isn't his place. Nicolae has a lot to think about. That he doesn't want to.
content notes: characters are both adults, one (who is 22) has a 15-year old's body: mentions of implied non-consensual sex. (discussion of Greek gods and the undercurrent present in their mythology). No other standard notes apply.
Nicolae tries not to watch Lycoris bathe, because it isn't his place, and just stands watch, trying to keep alert for any trouble before it happened. The sounds of splashing are faint, which he both expects and is grateful for, because the last things he wants to do is be reminded of when he was younger and happy, tumbling in streams with Galin, laughing and their bodies twining together. And now he's far from home and those familiar places, his lover is three years dead and he'll never get what he lost back.
But for a moment, he can't help but look: the slender wizard is perched on the bank of the pool, one leg in the water and one leg drawn up, small foot resting on his knee. Part of Nicolae that he firmly tells to shut up, acknowledges that it's a really nice view, one he wouldn't get normally - and it is one that he shouldn't want, forcing himself to look away before Lycoris notices that he's staring, thinking of stories about the hunter that was torn apart by his own dogs for coming across the goddess Artemis bathing.
Only, in this case, it would be his own guilt that would tear him apart, Nicolae thinks sourly. Wanting what he shouldn't want, unable to stop himself despite his best efforts nor let go - nor how can he, when his lover is dead because of him - and everything ever. At this rate, even being torn apart by hounds seems mildly more appealing than having to deal with this constant state of longing and guilt.
For a moment, two moments, he could ignore what was going on behind him, but in the end, his curiosity wins out, and he glances back, intending to be quick and brief about it - and instead, even as he curses himself, he isn't. Nicolae watches as Lycoris slides gracefully into the water, being careful to stay in the shallower areas, and swallows as he watches the wizard move, almost-floating.
Drops of water glisten against slim, bare shoulders, the delicate lines of his back, and Lycoris's loose, long hair clings to his body, both hiding and revealing. This is the first time that he's seen Lycoris naked, without the draping layers of robes he usually wears, and Nicolae can't help but think he's seeing something unquestionably private, never meant for him, or anyone else, to see. Even Lycoris's hair is usually hidden, tied back practically, rather than falling loose and long enough for him to sit on.
He shouldn't be seeing this, he knows, more than thrice over, but he can't help but appreciate the sight, no matter how much he shouldn't. For a moment, Nicolae almost thinks of the old stories, of the nymphs that tempted both men and gods alike - fitting, almost, for a slim youth fair as a flower, no matter that Lycoris's actual age is older than his body will ever present and he still doesn't know the story behind that.
No, Nicolae thinks better of it, Lycoris is no nymph, no matter how lovely and tempting he is, no matter that how long he lives he'll be a youth until the day he dies. He has power and is aware of how to use it, how to fight, to not be passive, would refuse to allow himself to be made a plaything, of either god or man, as long as he has strength to fight it: and that, more than anything, if Nicolae absolutely must be honest with himself, is what makes him want the Tremere, who is otherwise so different from laughing Galin, Galin who was tall, handsome, dark and strong, a man grown and not some frail lily-youth.
He forces himself to not think along that path comparing the two of them more, nor of the fates of those desired by the gods, looks away again before looking back: he'd prefer to consider his own desire, however unhappy and unwelcoming of it he is, rather than those alternate paths. Nicolae watches Lycoris float across the forest pool, hair spread out around him, and tries not to think of the sleeping gods of Greece too loudly.
